Affirmation and Time

We are going through the book, The Five Love Languages. Two weeks ago I introduced our April Maura Marriage “Short” Series about this book. Gary Chapman has been a well-respected author and speaker who has a heart for marriages. Over the years he has provided couples with practical ways to help improve their relationships, specifically marriages. The first step to take while reading this book is to take The Five Love Languages profile. This little quiz will help you identify what language makes you feel the most loved. This is so valuable to know because your spouse can begin to understand how to best show you love you feel the most.

After taking the quiz, you’ll want to keep in mind your two highest scored love languages. The reason is because we are about to go through the first two love languages. You will be able to either better understand yourself and/or better understand your spouse. Make sure to check out the practical application at the end of the post!

So lets begin with words of affirmation and quality time.

Words of Affirmation

If this is your love language, all words, sweet and bitter, are powerful to influence you. You are most likely to feel so much more encouraged after a word of praise from someone you value. It is important for you to communicate this love language to your spouse. Since affirmation doesn’t come natural to everyone, it can be extrememly challenging for some. However, if they know that you fly on wings when you hear a single word of encouragement, they can learn how to affirm.

As a spouse of someone who feels most loved by words of affirmation, you need to be open to trying new ways to communicate to him or her. You might feel extrememly awkward at first when you affirm your wife or husband, but when you see their reaction, it will be worth it. And just like anything, practice will make you feel more comfortable with doing it.

There is so much power behind what comes out from our mouths. When we are in one of the closest  relationships of our life with a spouse, we have countless oportunities to either give life or suck the life out of the other with our words. It is not just about what we say, but also about how we say it. Our tone of voice can also leave a imprint on a conversation. We have to remember that we both have a choice in marriage. We don’t just demand things of our husband or wife. They have a choice to either say yes or no to all that we ask and say to them. There is a big difference between a kind tender question and a sharp edgy command.

Quality Time

This love language is my overall top top love language. Quality time with my husband is one of the most precious gifts I can ever have. It is not necessarily the thing that we are doing that matters. What matters most is that I am with my husband. I have him by my side. I am personally learning in life about how time is so valuable. For some people it might be money, understandly so. Yet there never seems to be enough time. Once a day is in the past, that day will never come back. When it comes to spending time relationsally with other people, I don’t think we could ever have too much time.

If you are the spouse of someone whose love language is quality time, setting aside intentional time for them is important. It makes them feel like your number one priority and are willing to sacrifice your plans and will to spend time with just them. Not only is your time important, but your attention to them might be even more important. It is one thing to be with someone, but to actually be looked in the eyes and locked into conversation is another. These really are not heroic intimidating actions, but are small thoughtful and practical ways to make a big difference in your marriage.

Application

Words of Affirmation: If your spouse has this love language, I encourage you to write down one thing a day that you observe and are thankful for in your spouse for a week. After you get use to observing what your spouse does well or what you like about them, begin to speak it out to them. You can try to indirectly speak to them at first if you are uncomfortable. But eventually try to just stop them in the day and just tell them the moment a positive thought about them comes up!

Quality Time: For a spouse with this love language, consider setting aside a slotted amount of time together for intentional conversation. Plan a date, a activity, or road trip so you can have purposeful conversations. You can even create time for the other each day. Start small by creating 15 minutes of space for just you two to talk and connect, eye to eye.

MANY THANKS TO THE CREATIVE TEAM WHO HELPED WITH THESE WEDDINGS:

Venue: Chandler Private Estates | Photographer: APRIL MAURA PHOTOGRAPHY | Second Photographed with Karlee K Photography