From the outside, marriage can appear great but then in the very core of us, there are these whispers of “I never thought this and this would happen to us.” Such as: Not expecting to get fired, or never thinking you’d be having the communication issues your marriage does, or not planning on the amount of stress you two are experiencing.
If we are being vulnerable and honest, we all have felt these feelings before in our marriages.
We all have closed the window that looks at the potential issues that could arise. Closing this window causes us to not see potential real life problems so we aren’t able to deal with them.
The truth is this: Our marriages are not bad.
Our marriages are just under the brokenness of earth and are living in the tension between earth and heaven.
Between suffering and healing.
Between broken and restored.
By considering the following three things about your marriage that the Bible gives a “wonderful window” into, we will be able to expect the expected. Not only will we begin to expect the expected, but you and your spouse will be sitting on the same side of the table on the same team, looking at the problems together. So often we are caught looking at each other across the table thinking the problem is with that person, rather than the issue itself. Let’s take a look at these three things.
God’s Word is a Wonderful Window into Three Things:
- “You Are Conducting Your Marriage in a Fallen World”
- This comes down to a simple, yet sometimes hard to believe truth: God knows us in the midst of our hard circumstance. The first thing that can creep in when a hard circumstance arises is doubt. This spirit of doubt can place thoughts in our minds that lead us to believe God doesn’t want us in this place and isn’t with us. That we aren’t meant to be in this hard situation. But the Bible sheds wonderful light onto these exact situations. His Word breaths hope and comfort. He knows exactly where we are and at what point of our life. Tripp says, “It is not an accident that you have to deal with the things you do. He knows where you live, and he is not surprised at what you are facing.” We are not alone in this broken world.
- “You Are a Sinner Married to a Sinner”
- “In most marriage situations, you do not face difficulty because your spouse intentionally did something to make your life difficult,” Tripp writes. I can personally relate to this quote. Often times than not, my actions that may have caused harm or pain to Jordan were never out of a mean intention or purpose. Even when you read the Bible, you can see how often the men and women of God hurt their loved ones without any intent to. They fail and are weak as human beings, just as we are. He gives us story through the Bible to let us see a wonderful window of imperfect people being perfectly loved by a Heavenly Father. We get to see his redeeming grace again and again for weak and fallen people like you and your spouse, and ultimately glorifies Himself through them.
- “God is Faithful, Powerful, and Willing”
- Tripp encourages us that “you can be realistic and hopeful at the very same time. Realistic expectations are not about hope without honesty, and they are not about honesty without hope.” There is a common tension going on between being real while also living with faith. I just recently heard this comment from a Proverbs 31 writer: “Faith it until you make it.” As believers we want to be real, but yet we also want to believe God’s truth. We don’t want to be fake. Yet, we are suppose to believe that God’s Spirit and Truth gives us power to believe that we don’t have to be stuck in our circumstances. All because we have “the right God.” We have a God who is “faithful, powerful and willing.” He is with us. He cares to listen to us, and carry our burdens. We can actually have faith and be okay, even when the realness of life is screaming “HARD,” because we have a God who loves us at our worse.
The Same Page
By accepting these three realities, you and your spouse can be on the same page and same team to help your marriage head in the right direction.
Ephesians 6:12 (NIV Version)
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
They are as realistic as you can get and can help us prepare for what is to come even though we have no idea what it is.
We are keeping it simple yet revealing and honest:
Ask yourselves this question: Are your expectations for your marriage realistic?
AUTHOR OF THE MARRIAGE SERIES: Taylor Wild
Note: We do not hold degrees in psychology, nor are we doctors, but people who have a heart to share wisdom.
MANY THANKS TO THE CREATIVE TEAM WHO HELPED WITH THE HOTEL VALLEY HO WEDDING INSPIRATION:
Venue: HOTEL VALLEY HO
Flowers: PARADISE VALLEY FLORIST
Models: NEWLYWED DIARIES | Sidney and Zak
Dress: LA BELLA BRIDAL | Shoes: Target | Earrings: Forever 21
Photographer & Planner: APRIL MAURA PHOTOGRAPHY | Inspiration for these St. Louis Wedding Locations: FOUR SEASONS HOTEL ST LOUIS | THE CHASE PARK PLAZA | MISSOURI BOTANICAL GARDEN | BUSCH FAMILY ESTATE AT GRANT’S FARM | Silver Oaks Chateau | Peabody Opera House | The Caramel Room at Bissinger