The Truth About Real and Lasting Change

Commitment 2: We will make growth and change our daily agenda. 

You have heard of Fixer Upper before right?

Maybe it doesn’t have to be Fixer Upper you watch, but any “flipping house,” TV show that tells the same storyline. An old, neglected, worn out house is pursued and chosen to be demolished, reconstructed, and turned into something beautiful. Parts of the house will lay in ashes and rubble for moments at a time which will eventually be recreated into a new home. That whole destruction process is completely necessary.

If there is no destruction, how can anything be changed and turned into something fresh?

This is the same process our marriages need to go through to see any real and lasting change.




Destruction into Construction

Paul David Tripp introduces the prophet Jeremiah into this Chapter. God’s Word confirms real and lasting change can only come from crushing and then creating.

“Today I appoint you to stand up against nations and kingdoms. Some you must uproot and tear down, destroy and overthrow. Others you must build up and plant.” Jer 1:10

We can have peace about knowing destruction leads to construction because God has told us it is good. God is persuading us to believe in the process of reflecting on old, worn out, and rotting things that have taken place in our marriages so that He can create an even more beautiful, deeper, and healed relationship.

Destroying things that have resided in our hearts for a long time can be painful and hurt. We have welcomed these things to make a home in us. We have found safety and comfort from them. So when God begins to identify and pull them out of hearts, it gets scary, convicting, and a sense of humility kicks in. However, we don’t have to stop there. This is the precise moment when God acts and moves to bring abundantly more than we could ever imagine (Eph 3:20)…to restorative lasting change! Especially in our marriages!

Weeds Need Pulling

Another analogy commonly used, and one Tripp uses, is weeding pulling. This leads to planting and harvesting. We need to begin this process of pulling out weeds that have been a part of us for too long, and need to get tossed out so change can begin.

Tripp shares with us some insight on different “weeds” that are commonly seen in marriages. These are a few and is not meant to generalize all marriages. He encourages us to look at our own marriages with God first and foremost. However, within his work, he has come across these six weeds most often:

  • Selfishness – We are all differently selfish and is in our “sin” DNA.
  • Busyness – We are all trying to pursue the “up and up” trying to get more, be more, do more, to make sure we can satisfy our wants.
  • Inattention – We can all lose attention to our marriages because of the worries of the world and don’t prioritize each other anymore.
  • Self-Righteousness – We can all point the finger at our spouse and believe it is their issue that has caused a rift in the marriage.
  • Fear – We are all motivated by fear, and probably even more so than we realize.
  • Laziness – We can all give ourselves permission to not do what we know is right therefore we don’t take any action within our marriage.


Final Encouragements

Married Couples:  Sit down together so you can see each other eye to eye. Examine your marriage and begin identifying the weeds. Answer the following questions that are mentioned in the book:

  • Where are the weeds of selfishness in your marriage?
  • What keeps you too busy or too exhausted to address the struggles of your marriage and to do the good things that make your marriage grow?
  • Have you become comfortable with taking one another for granted?
  • What thoughts, desires, motives, goals, choices, words, or actions, need to to be uprooted if your marriage is ever going to experience what God’s grace makes possible to experience?
  • Do the “what ifs” keep you from living in your marriage with joy in the here and now?
  • What form of laziness has kept you from taking action in your marriage?

**Do not get overwhelmed during this process. Preach to each other that God’s grace is sufficient for your weaknesses and has the power to restore. He honors couples who are courageous enough to pull the weeds out to make room for His planting.

Inspiration for these St. Louis Wedding Locations: FOUR SEASONS HOTEL ST LOUIS |  THE CHASE PARK PLAZA  | MISSOURI BOTANICAL GARDEN | BUSCH FAMILY ESTATE AT GRANT’S FARM | Silver Oaks Chateau | Peabody Opera House | The Caramel Room at Bissinger | Photographer: APRIL MAURA PHOTOGRAPHY

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