Commitment 3: We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
When we think about trust and the ways it can be broken there are several things that come to mind. There is unfaithfulness happening, or signs of physical abuse, or a major verbal blow up occurred. Yes these issues do arise. However, there are actually more marriages suffering from day to day neglect leading to broken trust than one major event leading to it. Life gets busy…quick. We each are driven individuals wanting to fulfill our purposes, and before we know it, our days are packed, and then you add kids. The time with our spouses and for our marriage gets that “left over,” tired, time. One day like that turns into a week turning into a month of neglect and then a year. That year of neglect weakens trust that was once strong in the beginnings. Hearts can turn cold and unwilling. Slowly rotting away is the heart’s ability to remain soft, trusting, and believing. All it takes is subtle and small disappointments such as small unkept promises to take the trash out or a continual showing up late to pick up the kids.
Sometimes we don’t even realize the condition of our own hearts to know whether we trust our spouse or not. Our ability to measure trust isn’t always the easiest. To help us take a moment to reflect on where our “trust scale” is at, we are going to take a questionnaire Tripp provides for us. I believe is good enough to designate a whole blog post and week to.
Time to Look in the Mirror
We are going to take this week to go through the “Trust Questionnaire,” Paul David Tripp provides. I will give you the 22 questions he asks for you and your spouse to individually go through. My husband and I are going to be answering it as well. Make sure you take the time on your own to answer honestly and truthfully. Once you both answer, go through them together. Next week we will dig more into each question, and see how your answers can be the beginning to something beautiful for the growth of your marriage.
- Is there more unity, understanding, and love in your marriage now than there has ever been?
- Do you both do what you promise in the time that you have promised?
- Are you attentive to what your spouse sees as important?
- Do you make excuses for failures to do what you have promised, or are you ready to confess?
- Do you listen well to your spouse and act on what you have heard?
- Do you follow through with mutual agreed-upon plans?
- Do you work together on planning and scheduling priorities, or do you demand that the other do it your way?
- Do you share with your spouse your thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, and concerns, or is it easier for you to be quiet or to share with someone else?
- Is there any evidence that you have withdrawn from the other in protective distance?
- Would your spouse say that you are good for your word and faithful to your promise?
- Do you carry wrongs around with you, or do you trust one another to confront and confess?
- Do you ever wonder what the other is doing when not with you?
- Are you conscious of editing your words and withholding your feelings because you can’t trust your spouse to deal with them properly?
- Is your marriage partner the best friend in your life, or has your dream of this kind of companionship evaporated?
- Is your sexual relationship mutually satisfying, or is it hard for you to give yourself physically to your spouse?
- Do you say things to other people about your spouse that you have not communicated to him or her?
- Do you look forward to sharing times together, and when you have these times, are they peaceful and enjoyable?
- Are there problems between you that remain unsolved because you don’t have the bond of trust necessary to work together on a solution?
- Are you comfortable with the vulnerability that a good marriage involves?
- Do you ever wonder if you made a mistake in marrying the person who is your spouse?
- Do you ever fear that you are being manipulated or taken advantage of in anyway?
- Do you ever wonder if your spouse cares for him-or herself-more than for you?
Married Couples: Write down your answers with honesty and truth and check back here next week for what to do next.
AUTHOR OF THE MARRIAGE SERIES: Taylor Wild
Note: We do not hold degrees in psychology, nor are we doctors, but people who have a heart to share wisdom.
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Inspiration for these St. Louis Wedding Locations: FOUR SEASONS HOTEL ST LOUIS | THE CHASE PARK PLAZA | MISSOURI BOTANICAL GARDEN | BUSCH FAMILY ESTATE AT GRANT’S FARM | Silver Oaks Chateau | Peabody Opera House | The Caramel Room at Bissinger